Lately, I have been really confused about the difference between favors and opportunities. In the past year I have presented and been presented with multiple opportunities by multiple people. Some of these “opportunities” have been viewed as favors by others. My theory is if you have to ask yourself when presented with an opportunity “what’s in it for me”, it’s one of two things. Possibly you do not trust the other person or you are blocking yourself from opening many unknown doors.
Why is it that sometimes an opportunity is perceived as a favor? Are some opportunities so far stretched that it’s hard to see the long term potential, or are we really close minded about new opportunities? Are we conditioned to believe that all people have an ulterior motive?
So this really came to a head for me a few months back when I mentioned (what I thought ) was an enticing opportunity to an individual and they responded that they might be able to “help” me. I was not looking for help. I was not asking them to do something for nothing. I was offering an opportunity to potentially open up a new door for them and their future.
So I took a step back and had to ask myself, when I was offering a new opportunity to someone and they acted as if they would be doing me a favor, was I acting so excited and grateful that they only saw me as the beneficiary? I am an excited person and opportunities get me pumped! Did I need to start telling people that I had choices and wanted to give them a chance to “ask” for the opportunity? Some of the best opportunities in my life have come from me saying “yes, and” to a favor and owning that opportunity. Most of the opportunities did not pay well or did not pay anything, they were not glamorous, they were not fun, and they were chances to prove myself and most importantly LEARN and GROW!
I decided that I have made the mistake of presenting opportunities to people as “favors”. In actuality I did not need a favor I was looking to run with an opportunity and potentially bring along others on the way. I was starting to think my opportunities were crazy or far fetched and then I reexamined the message I was giving.
First, I needed to define “favor”
“Something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration; a kind act: to ask a favor.” When I need a favor such as help moving, a ride, someone to get my mail, etc I will present this clearly as a favor.
Second, define” Opportunity”
“A good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.” When I have an opportunity I will describe my position and watch for the reaction and questions. Defining an opportunity does not mean it’s a guarantee. If they want to be a part of it, then they will tell me and show me.
Third, Run from people that think the world is “asking for favors”
I know it sounds cliche, and here it goes “the world is your oyster”. Everyone has different opportunities, obstacles, and challenges. Be open to building on what comes your way. Learn from every experience, the good and the bad. If someone cannot see the opportunities in front of them it is not your job to show them.
Lastly, look for people that say “yes and” to opportunities
In Improv, there is an exercise that has changed my view on many things in life. It’s called “Yes, And”. The basic concept of this exercise is that you take something that is given to you and instead of rejecting the idea you build on it by saying “yes, and”. Of course this does not mean that you eliminate no from your vocabulary it means that you open your mind to thinking before saying no or thinking things are far fetched or impossible.
I have learned and I am still learning how to present my opportunities as opportunities. If I am asking for a favor I will clearly define it as a favor. However, I will allow others to seize their opportunities and champion them as they find their own “silver lining”.
